


It's In My Roots, It's In My Veins

by synia



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Declarations Of Love, Family, Firehouse 118 as Family (9-1-1 TV), Gen, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Red String of Fate, Romance, S04e02, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synia/pseuds/synia
Summary: Buck had been ignoring his strings. To be more precise, he had been ignoring one string in particular and even though it had been glowing a bright red in front of him for months now, it took regular therapy for him to finally admit that he tended to hide his true feelings from people.(Inspired by episode 4x02 Alone Together)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 422





	It's In My Roots, It's In My Veins

**Author's Note:**

> After episode 4x02 aired I could not deal with Carla reading a story about strings of love and Buck admitting he hides his feelings from people in the span of a couple scenes, so this happened.
> 
> Title is shamelessly borrowed from Adele's song River Lea.

Buck had been ignoring his strings. To be more precise, he had been ignoring one string in particular and even though it had been glowing a bright red in front of him for months now, it took regular therapy for him to finally admit that he tended to hide his true feelings from people. An assessment he now felt could be deemed the understatement of the century all things considered. He was pretty sure that only "2020 was a bad year" could have beaten it in that category.

He remembered perfectly the day that string had turned from a dull gray to a shimmering silver. Everybody knew that meant he had met someone who was going to be meaningful in his life. He had met someone that he was going to love.

Like most people, Buck had a few strings. Some of them had been a dull gray for a long time but had slowly changed first to silver then to a bright yellow as time passed and he settled his life in Los Angeles. He knew those were the friendships that meant the most to him and who they were meant to connect to, but since he was not in the habit of actually admitting to people how important they were to him he was not sure they felt the same. What if he said something and it turned out there was not a matching string on the other side?

He had been extremely embarrassed when one string in particular that had stubbornly stayed silver for some time had turned blue. Blue strings were for familial love. Buck had had three of those, two of which had turned back to gray for reasons he refused to think about. One kept glowing strongly and Buck knew it would keep doing so for the rest of his life. No matter what happened, he knew he could never stop loving his sister.

That one extra blue string had upset him. He had no right to feel that way and it only got worse when the man responsible for that color let him down. It had upset him especially because as much as Buck was angry and hurt the string never changed its color, its brightness never even wavered. For months he had hated waking up to it, its blue light glowing as strongly as ever in the air around him.

It took Bobby rushing to the hospital after Buck had saved two people on his way home on Halloween for Buck to make peace with it. Bobby said he might not be ready for Buck to go back in the field but he knew Buck was ready. When Buck asked why over coffee and pancakes Bobby looked away and scrubbed a hand over his face before looking back at Buck.

“I’m your boss,” he said, “but as much as I try to be professional, there are times I need to remind myself of that because our team has become… a family. To me at least.”

Buck sighed and looked away, muttering “Not just to you.”

Bobby nodded, “You’ve grown a lot in the time I've known you. You’re not the guy I was ready to fire any more. But there are still things you need to learn… your heart is in the right place, I know that, but I still feel like I need to protect you from yourself sometimes. I’m afraid I overstepped my boundaries as your boss in the process,” he swallowed hard before using the common gesture people made to indicate their strings, a sweeping motion with his left hand, starting from the center of his chest and extending it into the air towards Buck, “Actually I know I have.”

Buck froze. That could only mean that Bobby had a matching string for him and if Bobby thought he had overstepped maybe it was not a yellow string. Maybe it was blue like the one Buck had for him and felt so ashamed of. It was his chance to say something. It was his chance to reach out. If they touched skin to skin they might get a glimpse of the strings connecting. All he had to do was reach out for Bobby’s hand or arm, an innocent comforting gesture. If they saw nothing, then no harm no foul. Bobby could not know for sure that Buck had one for him. But if they did see them and their strings did not match… Buck was not sure he would be able to stand it.

He kept his hands to himself, arms crossed on the table behind his empty plate. “That’s okay. I know I've said this before but I’m sorry about the lawsuit, it was a stupid thing to do and I did not realize how badly it would go. I’m just glad to be back with you guys. You could have had me transferred and…” his voice broke and he shook his head, “Thank you.”

He hoped Bobby heard what he could not say. _Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for telling me because I wasn't sure any more and maybe I never was._

Afterwards Buck spent a lot of time thinking about blue strings. The ones that used to be blue for his parents but withered and turned back to gray when he realized there was not a matching one on the other side. 

He remembered being a kid in his mother's arms, hands on her cheeks, telling her he loved her. His blue string extending and reaching out towards her but never meeting a matching one from her. He had been confused at first and hadn't said a word. Until later that night when Maddie had come into his room to read a bedtime story. She had leaned in, her hand gently smoothing his hair into place and Buck could clearly see a blue string reaching from Maddie's heart and meeting his own. She had not even said a word and yet there it was, bright blue glowing in the dim light.

"Why doesn't mom have one?" He had asked, indicating the string connecting them.

Maddie's face fell but she rapidly schooled it back into a sweet smile for him, “We’re not all the same. We do not always have matching strings, but that doesn’t mean you’re not loved, ok?”

Buck had nodded. As he grew up he slowly, painfully understood that his mother should have never become a parent because she was simply too self-centered and selfish to love anyone that way. Familial love was pure and selfless, more than any other kind, and she was simply incapable of that.

Buck was different. He felt love deeply and as a kid he was not afraid of showing how he felt. He was not ashamed to cry when he was sad, he would smile broadly and hug the people he cared about to show them how happy he was with them, he cared a lot about his friends and had a few yellow strings to prove it. Maddie used to say he wore his heart on his sleeve and that she was proud of him. His father was not.

Buck’s father was a soldier. He was a strict parent and a deeply reserved person. He did not like open displays of affection and he disapproved of Buck’s carefree attitude. Whenever he was around he tried to school Buck into the same self-restraint and discipline. He never raised a hand but his disappointment hurt Buck all the same.

Whenever their father was around, Maddie was always weirdly silent. Buck hated it. He tried his best to be the person his father wanted, thinking that if only he could make his father happy everything would change. He needed to make it better for his sister too.

Once while his father was sick with a fever Buck had seen a silver string reaching out towards him and he had convinced himself that if only he could become the man his father hoped him to be, then the string would certainly turn blue and match his own. He knew it was one of the reasons he went into SEAL training. Even then, he still had not given up completely on that childish illusion.

When he broke the news to his father that he had given up on the SEALs Buck desperately wanted him to understand that it just was not in his nature to turn his feelings off because it hurt him too much. His father had only harsh words for him. With tears in his eyes, Buck had reached out to touch his exposed wrist. His father had recoiled back but not fast enough that Buck did not see his string. It had turned back to gray.

The next day, Buck packed his things and left for LA.

When his therapist said they should start their session talking about how Buck hid his true feelings from people, Buck knew it was not going to be a quick conversation but he figured it was best to start from the beginning. He told her about his parents and how ashamed of himself he had been and actually still was because his strings for them had withered and gone back to a dull gray. They never disappeared as other old strings had done - yellow strings for childhood friends he had long outgrown even though he still thought fondly of them - but kept floating around him, lifeless yet always there like a scarred tissue.

“Why do you feel ashamed of them?” his therapist asked.

“Because… familial strings aren’t supposed to die, not even when the person they are linked to dies. What does it say about me that just because my parents could not love me the way I loved them, their strings just… turned gray. I mean, who stops loving their parents?”

“Why do you think you stopped loving them?”

Buck bit his lip and looked away. He did not want to say it. He still felt guilty.

“Remember Buck, other people’s feelings are not under our control.”

Buck scrubbed a hand over his face. He knew that. He was working on accepting that his parents' feelings did not depend on him. It did not make it any easier to admit the truth, “Because they let me down. Because they let Maddie down.”

Dr. Copeland nodded, “It’s a common misconception that familial strings cannot turn back to gray, but they can. They are just as subject to change as other strings. Every relationship needs work and can change over time.”

“But why didn’t they disappear? I mean, other strings did once they went back to gray,” 

“There isn’t a clear answer on that yet, but the theory I subscribe to is that strings that turn gray only disappear when we accept that those people have played their role in our life and are not meaningful to us any more,” she paused to let the words sink in for Buck, “maybe a part of you hasn't completely given up on them yet.”

Buck thought about how even after leaving him Maddie had still had a string for Doug, its pink hue had turned to gray but it had only disappeared after she had become serious about dating Chimney. Coincidentally, Maddie's string for Chimney had become red at the same time, which convinced Buck of how important a person’s mindset was to the development of the strings. Buck would never forget the tears of joy in his sister’s eyes when she had told him about the red string. She had found her soulmate.

Naturally, as soon as Buck admitted that he was hiding his feelings and actively started to work on it in therapy he found himself faced with some hard questions. Some of which, much to his dismay, came from someone he had no willpower against.

“Buck, do you have strings for me and dad?” Christopher had asked over Zoom one night.

Buck could feel himself flush and desperately hoped it would not be evident on camera. He huffed out an embarrassed chuckle, looking away from the screen, then back at Christopher.

“Chris, that’s a very personal question,” Eddie softly reprimanded him. As he did he smoothed down his son’s hair in a gentle caress.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chris told Buck earnestly.

“That’s okay,” Buck reassured him, “And yeah, I do. Of course I do,” he admitted smiling at Christopher and doing his best not to look too closely at Eddie. Even so Buck noticed him swallow hard and then hide his face in his son’s hair, ostensibly to drop a kiss there.

Chris bounced a little up and down in his seat on their couch, “You do! I’m sure I have one for you too but I cannot see them. Dad said ours is blue because we’re family. What color are yours?”

Eddie’s eyes flew wide open at the question. He opened his mouth, surely to tell Christopher that it was definitely inappropriate to pry that much but Buck beat him to it.

“Uhm… how about, next time we see each other we’ll see if we match and then I’ll tell you?”

Christopher deflated a bit, “But when will that be?”

“Soon, I promise. We need to be safe.”

“But you see dad every day and I see dad every day, why can’t I see you? I miss you!”

Buck could not help smiling at him, “I miss you too.”

“He has a point there,” Eddie intervened.

“What?” Buck asked, taken by surprise.

“I mean, we’re taking every precaution in the field, we get tested regularly and keep to our work bubble… I think it’s safe for you to see Chris, or at least as safe as it is with me, you know?”

Buck swallowed hard and nodded, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Yes!” Christopher cheered, “When can you come over?”

“Well, if it’s okay with your dad,” he glanced at Eddie, “I could come over on our next day off.”

“Of course it’s okay,” Eddie confirmed softly.

“Awesome!” Christopher’s grin was earsplitting. 

“Time to go to bed, bud,” Eddie told his son, “Why don’t you go brush your teeth and I’ll meet you in five minutes for a story?”

“Ok,” Christopher agreed reluctantly, “Goodnight, Buck. See you soon!”

“Goodnight Christopher,” Buck’s voice was full of affection and Christopher grinned at him before getting up and walking out of the frame.

Eddie’s gaze followed his son for a moment before looking back at Buck, “Hey… I didn’t mean to rope you into anything that makes you uncomfortable. I can explain to him that it’s intrusive to ask certain questions before you come over. But I do think it’s ok for you to visit when you want… he really misses you.”

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind telling him about…” he hesitated.

“I’ve never heard you talk about your strings,” Eddie said, looking like he was afraid he would scare Buck away just by mentioning the subject.

Buck took a deep breath, “Yeah… it’s a private subject. I guess the only person I’ve talked to about them is Maddie,” he admitted.

“I get it,” Eddie said.

Buck smiled, “I know you do.”

Eddie cleared his throat, “I should go now.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you at work.”

Eddie smiled, “See you tomorrow.”

Buck turned off the screen of his tablet and went downstairs to find Chimney pacing around in the kitchen.

“I thought you were going to start dinner,” he said, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at his almost-brother-in-law.

“I ordered in, I can’t cook in this state,” he shook his hand as if trying to get rid of some nervous energy. Buck’s eyebrows flew higher following his movements. “Also, it’s important to support local businesses now more than ever and I’m doing my part.”

“Sure,” Buck carefully replied, eyeing Chimney as he would a wild animal, “Is something bothering you?” he chanced to ask.

Chimney stopped in his tracks and looked up at him, “I don’t understand how you haven’t punched me yet.”

Buck bit hard on his lip to keep from grinning. He knew instantly where this was going and had been waiting for Chimney to get there for a while now, “If I thought it would have helped you come to your senses, I would have.”

“You should have done it anyway! How are you not mad at me?”

“You wanted to protect Maddie and your baby. I understand that.”

“But plenty of essential workers still go home to their families… and we’re taking every possible precaution…”

Buck nodded along, waiting for Chimney to get out what he needed to.

“The truth is I was scared. I _am_ scared. I don’t want to mess this up. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.”

“I know,” Buck said. His soft tone gained him an incredulous look from Chimney, “Were you seriously expecting me to give you the whole if-you-hurt-her-I-will-hurt-you speech? Not that I wouldn’t, because I love my sister and I would do anything for her but one, she’s capable of taking care of herself and two, I trust you,” he shrugged, as if it was just that simple and for Buck it truly was, “I know you love her. I was giving you time to work through whatever it was you needed to work through.”

Chimney stared at him, completely stunned, “How have you become so wise without me noticing?”

Buck could not help blushing at the comment, “Well, you’ve been busy and… I’ve been going to therapy.”

Chimney turned even more serious, “You have?”

“Yeah… I mean… video calls obviously, but yeah. It’s been really good so far.”

“Good for you. I hope you don’t mind me saying this but, I’m proud of you for making this choice for yourself.”

“Thank you,” Buck grinned, “And of course I don’t mind.”

Chimney was about to say something else but stopped when he noticed the yellow shimmering light that was taking form between them. He grinned at Buck, indicating the string connecting them, “Well, it only took four years to show up! I was beginning to worry it was one sided!”

Buck ducked his head in embarrassment, but burst out laughing as Chimney tackled him in a bear hug.

“So what would you say if I switched places with Albert?” Chimney asked when he let him go.

Buck rolled his eyes at him, “Finally!”

Three days later they were due for two days off and Buck knew he would not be hearing from his sister since she was too busy being spoiled by Chimney, which he heartily approved. It was time for him to keep his promise to Christopher anyway, so he got into his jeep and went to Eddie’s house. 

Christopher was overjoyed to see him and despite talking to him regularly over Zoom, he still had a lot to tell Buck about online school and how he was looking forward to playing a new video game Eddie had just gotten him. Christopher did not mention their conversation about his strings, which made Buck think that Eddie had talked about it with him to make sure Buck did not feel pressured into sharing something he considered deeply private.

Buck felt warmed at Eddie’s consideration but he was working on not hiding his feelings and he wanted to let Christopher know how important he was to Buck.

When Christopher paused in his rush to tell Buck everything he had missed while they were apart, Buck smiled and smoothed down Christopher’s unruly hair, just like Maddie used to do with him when he was a kid, “You know I love you, right?” Buck asked, voice a bit rough with emotion.

Christopher nodded, like he had never doubted it. Even before he replied, “I love you too,” Buck could already see a blue string connecting them, “Do we match?”

“Yeah, we do. It’s blue,” Buck admitted softly, a little awed.

“I knew it,” Christopher smiled, satisfied.

Buck felt shaken to his core. When he looked up, Eddie’s eyes were steadily watching him from where he was leaning against the doorframe leading to the kitchen, with an unreadable expression on his face.

"It's too bad I cannot see it," Christopher said, breaking them out of their spell.

It was rare, but there were people who were not able to see the strings and it remained unclear why.

"Don't worry about it. You did not need to see it with me, right? Or with your dad? You just knew."

"Yeah, I did."

"That's because you know your heart and you know how to listen to it. So as long as you keep doing that, you will not miss out on anything. You'll just know."

Christopher nodded, clearly reassured by his answer, “What about dad?”

Buck glanced back at Eddie, who had not moved, and shot him a grin before looking back at Christopher, “What about him?”

“I asked him and he said you guys never checked if you match. Is that because you just know?”

Buck froze for a moment. He looked up again to see Eddie’s reaction at the question but Eddie had disappeared back into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” he replied softly.

Or at least he thought he did. Eddie's string had been the most unexpected one. As soon as he had seen Eddie, Buck had felt threatened. His place within the team, his place within this little surrogate family he had carved for himself suddenly felt shaky and at risk. Eddie was competent, experienced and more emotionally mature than Buck was. On paper Eddie was perfect and watching him Buck was hard pressed to say he did not seem perfect in reality too. Buck had felt insecure the minute he had laid eyes on him. Seeing one of his gray strings morph into glimmering silver as soon as they were introduced to each other made him feel even more unstable. How could it be possible that this man would turn out to be so meaningful to him? He was perfect and Buck… could not possibly be good enough.

Buck would have loved to keep his distance for as long as possible, to avoid any comparison between them but more than anything to avoid making a fool of himself even if he never would have admitted it. Unfortunately Bobby had other ideas and decided to thrust them together in the middle of a call. The biggest problem for Buck was that once he was forced to work with Eddie, the guy did turn out to be pretty damn perfect for real - at least by Buck’s standards - and he was not even smug about it. Buck felt inevitably drawn to him. Against all his initial intentions he could feel a deep respect for Eddie building up in him faster than for anyone else he had ever met.

By the end of their second shift together they had vowed to have each other’s backs, much to Bobby’s evident amusement and satisfaction. Buck could not find it in himself to feel any resentment or embarrassment over it. Clearly his string had been correct.

The only thing that deeply puzzled him was how Eddie’s string stayed silver for months afterwards, even as they grew impossibly closer and Buck developed a blue string for Christopher.

“Are you upset?” Buck asked Eddie when they were alone in the kitchen after Christopher had gone to bed. He did not need to say more, he was sure Eddie knew what he was referring to.

Eddie looked at him disbelievingly, “Upset that you love my son and consider him family? Of course I’m not upset.”

Buck looked at him, uncertainty still running through him.

Eddie could read him perfectly and went on, “Buck, I didn’t need you to tell us about your string to know that. I would have bet my life on the fact that your string for Christopher was blue.”

Buck’s eyes widened, “But…”

“Maybe you don’t say much, but your actions speak for themselves.”

“And you really don’t mind?”

“If anything, I feel blessed,” he stepped closer, “I just hope you know you’re stuck with us now.”

Buck smiled at him, “I’m counting on it.”

As he was leaving Eddie’s house that night, Buck grabbed his phone and dialed Bobby before he could lose his nerve. He was feeling good by how well sharing his feelings with Chimney and Christopher had gone and he figured he owed Bobby some honesty too.

Buck asked if they could have breakfast together in the morning and Bobby readily agreed, inviting him at his house. Athena was due on shift and Bobby seemed to be looking forward to some company.

"Remember how I told you that I tried to become a SEAL?" Buck asked when their breakfast was long gone and they were on their second cup of coffee. By then the conversation had moved to the couch. Bobby nodded and Buck went on, "I did it mostly to impress my father, I think. I was trying to become the man he wanted me to be, but I couldn't. He always thought I was too emotional… but as much as I tried, I just couldn't shut my feelings off."

Bobby looked confused, "But why?"

Buck shrugged, he had never really understood it, "I guess he didn't like it. Or he didn't like _me_ ,” he paused to take a deep breath, “His string never turned blue."

Bobby paled visibly.

"It actually turned back to gray when I told him I was giving up SEAL training."

Bobby looked stricken. He sat back on the couch as if he was having a hard time holding himself up and brought a trembling hand to his lips.

"Buck… I'm so sorry."

Buck shook his head, "It's not your fault. It's not _my_ fault. I'm working on accepting that."

"Of course it's not your fault," Bobby said fiercely.

Buck smiled at him and confusion painted Bobby's expression once more, but this time Buck thought he saw curiosity and a tiny bit of hope in his eyes too.

"Can I ask why are you telling me this now?"

"Because you're family to me. I know you're my boss and I know we will need to always be professional on the job. I just wanted you to know," he took a deep breath then and reached for Bobby's wrist, curling his hand around it. Instantly a blue string appeared in the air, connecting them to each other.

Bobby's eyes watered at the sight. He put a hand behind Buck's neck to draw him into a fierce hug, "Thank you."

Buck squeezed back just as hard, closing his eyes and letting himself enjoy the safety and love of a fatherly hug for the first time in his life.

Dr. Copeland was very pleased with Buck’s commitment and progress. They talked at length about his other meaningful relationships but Buck still felt tense on the subject, even after a long shift that should have left him wiped out. Not even Bobby’s warmer-than-usual smile calmed him down. Eddie asked him if he was okay but Buck shrugged it off blaming his state on having ingested too much caffeine and promised to join him in the break room upstairs to wait out the end of their shift. Eddie nodded and left him sitting on one of the benches in the locker room.

Buck released a deep sigh when he was alone and dropped his head in his hands. That was how Hen found him. 

"Is everything okay, Buck? Are you hurt?" She asked, concern clear in her voice.

Buck couldn't help smiling at her, "I'm not hurt."

Her knowing gaze told him he had given himself away, "But you're not okay either."

Buck shrugged, "I'm working through some stuff and sometimes I get a little anxious about it." Especially since he was supposed to go over to Eddie's house for dinner. He knew they did not have to talk about feelings or strings or anything serious but with the way he was feeling like a dam had broken inside him, he was afraid it would all just spill out of him regardless of whether he wanted it to or not.

Hen nodded sagely as if she could read his mind.

"And you're not at all surprised," he realized.

This time Hen smiled sheepishly, "Chimney might have let slip that you're going to therapy… and the outcome of that particular conversation you guys had" she admitted, "when he was telling me that he moved back in with Maddie. Please don't be mad at him, he told me because he was genuinely happy _for_ you and _because_ of you."

"It's okay, I get it. I'm not mad. I know he tells you everything, I should have expected it," Buck smiled as he said it, hoping she would understand he really meant it.

Hen studied him for a moment, "Buck, whatever it is you're working through, remember that it's a process, there is no rush. Just give yourself time and try not to stress too much over it, okay?"

Buck ducked his head and smiled, "Yeah, thanks. I'll try to remember it."

"And if you ever want to talk, I'll always be here for you."

This time Buck looked her straight in the eyes, "Thank you. It means a lot, really."

Hen put a hand on the back of Buck's neck and squeezed a bit in a comforting gesture. As soon as she did it, a yellow string appeared to be floating in the air, connecting her heart to Buck's. Hen grinned triumphantly, "I knew you loved me."

Buck laughed and rolled his eyes, "Of course I do."

That was when he noticed Eddie standing in the doorway. Buck froze, watching Eddie quickly school his expression until it was completely blank. Buck could not have guessed what he was thinking if his life depended on it.

"I was just wondering what was keeping you. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

Buck jumped to his feet, "It's okay, we were just about to come upstairs."

Hen got up and walked towards Eddie, smiling and patting him twice on his upper arm. Both Buck and Eddie frowned slightly at the gesture but said nothing. They all went upstairs, silently hoping not to be called out before their shift ended in a half hour.

They managed to clock out in time without a last minute call. Eddie seemed to act normally but Buck could not shake the feeling that something was bothering him. He followed Eddie home in his own car and they made dinner together, Christopher chatting excitedly at them the whole time.

Once dinner was over, Christopher insisted they play his latest video game together so they took turns playing against him and then played a round against each other for Christopher's delighted amusement.

Once Christopher went to bed, Eddie fell weirdly silent. He moved around the kitchen with his head slightly lowered, as if he was afraid to meet Buck's gaze while they were both busy cleaning up.

Buck could not stand it, "Eddie, please talk to me."

Eddie looked innocently up at him, trying to play it off as if there was nothing unusual in his behaviour, "What about?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Something's bothering you, I can tell. If I did something wrong…" Buck started, doubt creeping up on him. 

"You did absolutely nothing wrong," Eddie told him, looking right at him now. He sighed before continuing, “I heard what you told Christopher about your strings,” Eddie said, looking at him with an emotion in his eyes that Buck could not define.

“I know,” Buck replied, now even more unsure of what was going on. He had not been expecting that.

“I mean after, when he asked you about me.”

“Oh,” realization hit Buck. Of course Eddie had heard, but Buck had not said anything compromising or at least he hoped he had not.

Eddie searched his face, but whatever he saw, he looked like he could not find the answer he seemed to need, “Listen, you don't have to answer but I need to ask, what is it exactly that you’re so sure you know about our strings?”

Buck watched him for a moment, absorbing the question. Eddie had phrased it like he was sure they had a string for each other, which admittedly Buck had confirmed he did but hearing Eddie admit he had one for Buck still hit him with a wave of mixed feelings.

Eddie misunderstood his hesitation, “Of course you don't want to say it. I mean, you’re talking to everyone about your strings now, right? Everyone except me,” he opened up his arms in a gesture that clearly spelled out his frustration and hurt, but he quickly deflated and went on, “I want to respect that, Buck, I really do but I don’t understand. I thought we were close. I’ve always known there were things you kept to yourself and I get it, believe me I do, but I thought if you ever felt like opening up to someone… it would be me.”

The hurt in Eddie's voice sent a painful spike through Buck's heart.

“We don’t match,” Buck said. Inside he was still reeling from Eddie’s words but he had to explain, he had to let Eddie know that he wanted to open up to him more than anyone else but he knew he was going to get hurt. He could not risk losing Eddie over it.

Eddie froze, “How would you know?”

Buck gaped at him, “You said it yourself… we’re close. I mean, you’re my best friend and it’s not like we’ve never touched. We would have seen it by now.”

“Maybe not, if one of us is hiding something from the other,” Eddie said.

Buck frowned. It almost sounded as if Eddie meant himself.

“Eddie… I…” but his voice died in his throat as Eddie visibly steeled himself and stepped closer to him. He put a hand on Buck’s neck and his thumb caressed Buck’s jaw, sending a shiver through him. “I was just scared to find out for sure. I still am,” Buck whispered. Eddie’s gaze on him never wavered.

“I love you, Evan,” as soon as Eddie uttered the words, a red string appeared between them. Eddie’s smile at the sight was blinding. It was the most beautiful thing Buck had ever seen and he could not help himself, he leaned in and kissed him, his arms winding around Eddie’s back to draw him closer. Eddie went willingly, melting against Buck as they lost themselves in the kiss.

When they separated to breathe, Eddie leaned his forehead against Buck, his eyes still closed. Buck could see that he was still smiling.

“I’m pretty sure it would have killed me if your string turned out to be blue,” Eddie muttered breathlessly.

Buck laughed and cupped Eddie’s face with both hands to kiss him again.

When they pulled apart Eddie moved one of his hands to Buck’s chest, right where he could see the string disappearing to wrap around Buck’s heart, at least according to the romance novels, “How long have you known?”

Buck duck his head and felt himself blush, “Don’t judge me… your string was a bit unusual…”

“Yeah?” Eddie’s expression showed only genuine curiosity.

“Yeah… it stayed silver for a really long time. It actually confused the hell out of me,” he chuckled, but quickly turned serious again, “Then you went and got yourself buried alive without a lifeline in the middle of a storm… it turned red the moment Bobby was pulling me away from the ground that had swallowed you, before I got myself hit by lightning.”

They were so close that Buck could feel Eddie shiver at the words.

“I’m sorry, Evan. That must have been awful,” Eddie murmured.

“It was. But you made it out and that’s all I can ever ask of you, to always try to make it out alive, you know?”

“I know. I promise. Same goes for you though.”

Buck smiled and nodded, “I’d do anything to come back to you and Christopher. I promise.”

Eddie closed the gap between them again, sealing their promise with a tender kiss. Buck moved to kiss Eddie’s jaw and neck, then his cheek right where it met his ear. He paused there to whisper, “So, how come you’re suddenly calling me Evan?”

Buck could see a flush rising on Eddie’s neck as he replied, “Because I like your name and I’ve wanted to for a while... at least when we’re alone.”

Buck hummed in approval, causing Eddie to shiver again and move impossibly closer to him, “So it’s going to be Buck at work and Evan when we’re alone?”

Eddie’s voice was rougher with arousal when he answered, “Maybe. If you’re okay with it.”

Buck’s own voice had dropped an octave, “Oh yeah, I’m more than okay with it, _Edmundo."_

“ _Dios mío,_ stop talking and kiss me,” Eddie whispered breathlessly.

Buck happily complied.


End file.
